so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
