I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
