I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
