Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My bed smells like the plague
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