yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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