i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
