Someone shit on the floor
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
