Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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