Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
