what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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