Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
