Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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