hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
