I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
