was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
