i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
