The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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