I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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