is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
