I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
