his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
