I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
