Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
