How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
