carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
