is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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