My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Less talking, more tequila
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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