I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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