So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
