based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
