Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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