He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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