I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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