Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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