Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
