bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
