When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
