Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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