I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
