I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
