Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
