Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
