All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
