I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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