I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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