please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Someone came in the potted fern
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
