I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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