i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
