why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
