grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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