She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What a dumb baby whore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
