Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
